Conflict with Others
The coaching involves a process of transforming anger and “enemy images” (i.e. negative images of the other that block connection and effective action). The process involves empathically connecting with the needs of self not met by the other’s actions, and needs the other may be trying to meet through their actions. Doing this produces a shift from the “fight-flight-freeze” reaction of conflict back to a state of inner connection in one’s bodily and mental-emotional experience. From this connection new learning and possibilities emerge, followed by planning and practice for effective action.
Conflict with Oneself
When there is anger towards oneself, or guilt, shame, depression or anxiety, a process of internal mediation is used. Different perspectives and desires within are empathized with, connecting to the needs each is seeking to express and meet. As parts of oneself are heard in this way, inner wholeness and integration happen. Peace, self-compassion and new possibilities for action emerge. This process can be used to help with inner conflict about future decision(s) or with self-blame and judgment about past action(s) and choices.
Reconciliation & Healing/Making Amends
There are times when conflict takes the form of a deeper emotional hurt and wounding by another that remains unresolved inside. John offers a process developed by NVC founder Marshall Rosenberg that facilitates understanding, healing and forgiveness. This process can also be used to “make amends” with someone who perceives you to be the author of emotional hurt to them.