Empathy and Mindfulness in Conversation

3Chairs Practice

The 3Chairs Practice supports resolving and transforming a problem or difficulty between you and another person, and/or between parts of yourself. You can do the practice by yourself or with the help of a practice partner or partners in a group, using role play. 

 

This practice supports finding the "3rd Chair" of awareness and empathic, compassionate, collaborative presence with the conflicts and challenges we face. The practice integrates the work of Nonviolent Communication (NVC), a mediation framework, mindfulness, and trauma healing.

 

  • Conflict is a portal to the life and world we want.
  • We have within us what is needed for the journey.
  • We need each other to get there.

 

The mission of the 3Chairs project is for this practice of mediation to become mainstream and commonplace, shared, spread, and adapted world-wide to reach as many people and communities as possible in all areas and walks of life. It is to contribute to the vision of humanity living in healthy, sustainable, and collaborative ways on the planet.

 

Would you like to be part of this project? Do you have questions?

 

Inquire for More Information

 

Core Components of Nonviolent Communication (NVC)
Levels of language and awareness

  • Observation [mind] - sense perceptions (what we see, hear) and thoughts (beliefs, judgments)
  • Feeling [body] - physical sensations and emotions [Feelings list]
  • Need [universal] - qualities that sustain and enhance life (e.g. safety, love, freedom), and experience of underlying connectedness, unity [Needs list]
  • Request [wise-loving action] - specific ways of meeting needs, honoring choice, and contributing to life and wellbeing  

 

The Three Chairs — Me, You, We
You can do the practice: By yourself, with one practice partner, or with two practice partners

  • 1st Chair: A part of Me that is reacting to You/Other in the situation. 
  • 2nd Chair: A part of You/Other that is reacting to Me.
  • 3rd Chair: The We perspective that holds understanding and care for both Me and You. Our Self that holds all parts of us.
  • Surrounding Circle: The larger circle of family, ancestors, community, society, culture, systems, and power, equality, and trauma, influencing and interrelating with the situation.

 

3rd Chair Meditations of Self-Connection [If desired]:

  1. I am, aware — breathing, now.
  2. I am aware of my mind — seeing, hearing, thinking.
  3. I am aware of my body — flowing down, feeling sensations and emotions.
  4. I am aware of being, alive — opening to the wholeness of Life.
  5. I am wellbeing — peaceful, loving, joyful, soulful.
  6. I am We — rising, part of a larger love and wisdom.

Practice Rounds
You are invited to explore, experiment, and discover how you want to move through the chairs and what works best for you in your experience.

 

Set Up

  • 3 chairs (or cushions, places to stand, etc.) in the shape of a triangle
  • 2 chairs/positions facing each other
  • Surrounding Circle: Is there anything you want to say about who or what is present for you from the larger circle?

Step 1: Expressing a Part of Me Reacting to You/Other

  • In the 1st Chair:
    1. What part of Me would like to be understood (perceptions and thoughts about the situation)?
    2. What is this part of Me expressing in my body (physical sensations and emotions)?
    3. What does this part of Me want and care about (universal needs and values)?
    4. [Do you want to use the Feelings and Needs lists?]
  • In the 3rd Chair: I welcome all parts of Me.

 

Step 2: My Request for Understanding

  • In the 1st Chair, do I request:
    1. 2nd Chair to say what they heard from Me?
    2. 2nd Chair to say how it is for them what I said?
    3. Both responses, or something else?

 

Step 3: Expressing a Part of You/Other Reacting to Me

  • In the 2nd Chair:
    1. What part of You would like to be understood (perceptions and thoughts about the situation)?
    2. What is this part of You expressing in your body (physical sensations and emotions)?
    3. What does this part of You want and care about (universal needs, values)?
    4. [Do you want to use the Feelings and Needs lists?]
  • In the 3rd Chair: I welcome all parts of You, and all parts of Life.

 

Step 4: Your Request for Understanding

  • In the 2nd Chair, do You request:
    1. 1st Chair to say what they heard from You?
    2. 1st Chair to say how it is for them what You said?
    3. Both responses, or something else? 

 

Step 5: New Possibilities and Solutions

  • 1st Chair: Does this part of Me have an idea for a specific action or request to meet our needs?
  • 2nd Chair: Does this part of You have an idea for a specific action or request to meet our needs?
  • 3rd Chair: From the We perspective, do I see new possibilities for a solution emerge that integrates and contributes to wellbeing for both of us, and the Surrounding Circle?

Pause the practice and debrief your experience, using the following questions if you would like.

 

Debrief Questions

  1. What happened or changed in your experience as you moved through the process and into generating a solution?
  2. What was your experience of the 3rd Chair?
  3. What have you received, appreciated, and learned or discovered by doing the practice?
  4. Anything else?
  5. Would you like to continue practicing now or at another time?
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